Why Self-Sabotage Happens When You Are Growing
Self-sabotage can be a regular occurrence if you are someone who is committed to growth. Any time you are working toward a new goal or attempting to stretch outside your comfort zone, your subconscious is likely to kick-up resistance.
The good news is that you do not have to allow it to hold you back. Once you learn to recognize it and understand why it happens, you can move through any resistance quickly and keep creating momentum.
Self-sabotage is also known as subconscious resistance. Your subconscious mind is programmed to view anything unfamiliar such as new actions, new goals, or new people, as potential threats. It is not attempting to limit you, it merely is programmed to keep you safe. Because of our evolutionary journey, it perceives anything new or different as a potential threat. This was meant to keep us safe from unknown dangers but in our modern day life it is more often a mechanism that obstructs us from achieving our goals and limits our potential.
Once your subconscious recognizes that you can remain safe while pursuing the new idea or opportunity, it will lessen any resistance.
If you prefer to watch instead of read, I’ve also shared this message in a video version of the blog you can check out here.
How Self-Sabotage Shows Up (Obvious & Subtle Signs)
Before you can circumvent subconscious resistance, you have to recognize when it is happening. Sometimes it will be obvious but more often it is subtle and goes unrecognized.
Obvious signs include:
- Feelings of anxiety, stress, or fear
- Feeling overwhelmed and unable to figure out the next step
- Feeling a strong urge to delay, avoid, or analyze it further
Subtle signs often look like:
- Missing important appointments or opportunities “by accident”
- Getting stuck in overthinking or indecision
- Staying busy but making no real progress
None of these symptoms are insurmountable once you recognize them. These are all signals that your subconscious is unsure about the safety or wiseness or pursuing your objective and needs reassurance that you will be safe.
Technique #1: Visualize or Role-Play to Lessen Resistance
Visualization is incredibly effective but not for the reason many believe. Visualizing your goal or yourself doing something new will not magically manifest your results, but it will serve to lessen your resistance because it gives your subconscious a trial run of the experience.
When you repeatedly imagine yourself taking the action, having the conversation, or completing the task, your subconscious begins to interpret it as familiar. It recognizes the experience as something you have already done and will begin to allow the resistance to subside.
Your subconscious equates familiar to safe.
Role-playing out loud is especially helpful for anything involving communication. Practice it enough, and the fear will naturally begin to dissolve.
Technique #2: Check with Your Inner Wisdom for Alignment
One of the most powerful techniques to move through subconscious resistance or self-sabotaging behavior is to check-in with your intuition or inner wisdom.
Ask yourself:
- Is this goal or action in my highest good?
If the goal is aligned, your subconscious receives a powerful message of reassurance. Your inner wisdom will never lead you in a direction that is unsafe or off your life’s path. Once your subconscious becomes aware of this alignment, the second guessing yourself will stop. It will begin to relax and dissipate the resistance so that you can confidently take action.
Technique #3: Reassure Your Subconscious
As an example, you can say (out loud):
- “I am safe.”
- “This action is safe for me to take.”
- “It’s okay to move forward. I am meant to do this.”
Hearing yourself say it out loud reinforces safety in a way silent thoughts will not. It may take repeated assurance throughout the day for several days; but as you repeat this exercise, your fear and tension will begin to dissolve, and resistance will fade.
Bonus Technique: Start With the Smallest Possible Micro-Action
When resistance is high, the worst thing you can do is sit still and try to plan your way through it.
Analysis increases resistance while action reduces it.
Pick the tiniest possible micro-action and get started. Choose something so small it feels almost too easy.
Why this works every time:
- It immediately reassures your subconscious that you can take action and stay safe.
- Your identity begins to shift as you see yourself taking action.
- Momentum builds naturally, as you feel inspired to take bigger or bolder actions and the resistance dissipates.
Micro-actions create empowerment and increasing traction.
Remember that self-sabotage is not a flaw and is something that everyone who challenges themself will experience. Your subconscious is simply doing what it was designed to do, attempting to keep you safe.
I recommend that you try a couple of these techniques to see what resonates as the easiest to move you into action. The most important step to overcoming subconscious resistance is to recognize that it is happening. Once you recognize it and apply one of the techniques above, you can move through it quickly and confidently.
